Forget the drinking games: The final presidential debate calls for yoga


Whether you lean blue or red, the first and second presidential debates were heartbreaking experiences. Declining civil discourse, low approval ratings for both candidates, and a general sense of gloom for American democracy have taken hold in living rooms, bars, and Facebook comment threads.

Some viewers approach the proceedings with the help of drinking games. We offer a healthier alternative for the third and final debate on Wednesday: yoga.

(Follow the Journal’s live analysis of the final presidential debate.)

These poses, designed to keep you facing the television, will help you deal with every interruption, accusation, and revelation. Take it slowly and remember to breathe.

The eternal email

Lie face down with the tops of your feet on the ground and palms down with elbows bent. Push off the floor until your arms are straight and your upper body is off the floor.

Strike this pose when someone brings up Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server while she was Secretary of State. It won’t remove all traces of anxiety, but it might help.

The big deduction

Lie face down with your legs side by side. Place your forearms on the floor parallel to each other with elbows under your shoulders.

Hold the post for as long as it takes to explain all the perfectly legal ways to rack up millions of dollars in tax deductions. Or until your arms give out.

The retreat of the changing rooms

Stand up straight with your arms stretched skyward, then bow forward at waist level and extend your right leg backwards while swinging on your left leg.

Strike this pose when someone brings up Donald Trump‘s lewd comments about women in a leaked video, which he described as a “locker room conversation.” Side benefit of this pose: You can use your arms to cover your ears.

The Secret Speech

While standing, raise your arms then exhale and bend your knees until your thighs are parallel to the floor.

Hold that pose for as long as you can when someone asks how Hillary Clinton’s paid talks instead of Wall Street bankers with her appeals to the working class.

Anguished elephant

Start on your hands and knees with your back flat. As you inhale slowly, drop your belly while tilting your chest towards the ceiling. Exhale and let your back rise until it’s flat again.

Repeat as many times as Donald Trump says “rigged”.

donkey down

Start on your hands and knees with a flat back. Exhale and arch your back towards the ceiling, like a frightened Halloween cat.

This pose is for when Democrats remember that Hillary Clinton, despite leading in the polls, still has one of the lowest favor ratings in the history of presidential politics.

(Note: Undecided voters may lower their heads and cower child pose.)

Write to Rachel Bachman at [email protected]

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Appeared in the print edition of October 19, 2016 under the title “Forget Drinking: This Debate Calls for Yoga”.

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