Fetterman vs. Oz Debate Shows Republicans’ True Stance on Abortion


Hello, my name is Guy Actually, director of the Male Republican Center on Women’s Rights. Some concern has been raised over a comment by Pennsylvania GOP Senate candidate Mehmet Oz – good old Dr Oz! – made during a debate on Tuesday evening with Democratic opponent John Fetterman.

Now, before everyone starts going hysterical, let me give you the comment in question. On the issue of abortion, Oz said he thinks states should decide their own policies: “As a doctor, I have been in the room when there are difficult conversations. I don’t want the federal government to get involved at all. I want women, doctors, local political leaders to leave the democracy that has always allowed our nation to thrive, to come up with the best ideas so that states can decide for themselves.

Exactly. Here at the Male Republican Center on Women’s Rights, we wholeheartedly agree with Oz’s position that abortion decisions are made between a woman, her doctor, and local political leaders, assuming it is acts of men. (He forgot to include local male law enforcement officials, who should also be involved.)

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Predictably, liberals rose up against Oz’s statement, suggesting that decisions about a woman’s reproductive health should be between a woman and her doctor, and that’s not the case. from no one else. Well, isn’t that “progressive”? After the debate, Fetterman tweeted of Oz’s comment: “This is EXTREME. These critical decisions should be made between a woman and her doctor. Period.”

Wrong, Fetterman! It’s “comma”, not “period”, followed by “and its local political leaders, assuming they are male”.

Abortion has become an issue in the Pennsylvania Senate race.

We here at the center have spent decades making women’s health care decisions our business while denying that is what we do. Just because some talkative telemedicine on our side comes along and accidentally tells the truth doesn’t mean we’re going to back down.

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No, since Dr. Oz spilled the wick on our plan, might as well give the American people a better understanding of the Male Republican Center on Women’s Rights position on abortion, while reminding voters that they shouldn’t worry about the abortion policy during the midterm elections. Have you all seen the price of raw vegetables?

The center deeply believes that the decision to have an abortion is no, you can’t.

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Dr. Mehmet Oz, the Republican candidate for U.S. Senate in Pennsylvania, hosts a campaign event on September 28, 2022 in Harrisburg.

Health decisions must involve law enforcement, college football coach

We believe that these difficult and intimate discussions about what a woman wants to do with her own body should only involve the aforementioned woman and her doctor, local political leaders and law enforcement officials, a male representative of the local parent-teacher association, the local football coach, the Good Reverend Thomas C. Osbourne, Burt of the Tavern and no less than three (male) business leaders from the community.

It is only reasonable that a decision of this magnitude should be as informed as possible by the men of the region. We certainly wouldn’t want to leave that just to the ship…sorry…the woman.

Don’t forget the whiskey to go with all that decision-making

So, the abortion decision-making plan is really very simple. You have the wife, her doctor, local political leaders, a few policemen or a local constable, a PTA dad, a no-nonsense football coach, Reverend Osbourne, Burt, male business leaders – you know, on second thoughts , let’s take the woman out, we don’t need all that upsetting decision making, she’s pregnant! – the Main Street barber, a militant pro-life man with an “ABORTION IS MURDER!” sign, the woman’s father (via Zoom, if necessary), a copy of the book”So you’re having a baby‘ and a bottle of whiskey in case any of the men got thirsty.

Dear Women: Please Forget All This Before You Vote

See? Very easy.

We thank Dr. Oz for bringing to light the sensible thinking of the Male Republican Center on Women’s Rights, and we sincerely hope that female voters in Pennsylvania and across the country will completely forget that this ever happened until they voted in november.

Did we mention how scary this is?

More humor and satire from Rex Huppke:

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Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Twitter @RexHuppke and Facebook : facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

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